I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
