Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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