yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
