I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
