Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
