if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Brb crying the tears of my youth
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize