I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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