Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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