bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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