Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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