I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
