failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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