I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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