I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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