I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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