Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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