apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
