I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i came on her dog
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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