Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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