I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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