We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
