i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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