i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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