you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
