Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
