I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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