This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
is it fun? or sober?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
