dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
