Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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