Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
