I'm eating all of the evidence.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
