She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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