so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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