ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
