I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
