she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
