Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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