Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
