he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You ruined the universe
Randomize
