last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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