He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize