Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
