guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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