Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
