so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
