I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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