Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
