Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As shirtless as possible
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
