please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
