totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
