Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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