I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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