i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
