did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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