When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dicks are not precious.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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