She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
