the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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