i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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