I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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