I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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