My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
