i jhust puked up my retainher.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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