Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
