Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
