is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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