The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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