Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
COCAINE IS GR8
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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