What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
