You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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