I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
