my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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