the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
3pm strippers are depressing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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